gRegorLove.com

Thankful

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:42:40 -0500

I have been very blessed to have some great people I call friend in my life. Over the years, life changes have taken some of us different directions, but there has consistently been a group of people around to love and support me. Especially recently, I have received a lot of support about my “transparency” and it has been a big help.

This past Sunday, many of these friends had a pitch-in Thanksgiving dinner. It was great fun to get together and share what we are grateful for. My mom and stepdad were able to come, too, so I was glad to have both my direct family and “second family” there. We will definitely have to do it again.

Two people I am particularly thankful for this year are Sheryl and Isha. Sheryl and I have been friends going on 10 years now and she has consistently been there for me. She is one of the “roots” in my life and I really appreciate that. Isha and I have become best friends this past year and have been tested with highs and lows in each of our lives. She is the first person in my life that I have really worried about losing their life, so I am very thankful that she is alive.

I have been trying to be more purposefully expressive of my thankfulness and I think it has improved my life. It certainly impacts my attitude – I recommend it. Here are some of the “thankfuls” I have posted on twitter.

Lifted Up

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:28:42 -0500

When I looked into those eyes
I found nothing but despair
No signs of hope
No desires, save one
Shaken by the emptiness,
I lifted you on my back
Then, as if looking in a dimly lit mirror
I faced my own despair
My own darkness
Born for the world to see
I cannot see the sun behind the clouds
But I know you believe
And lift me up

– by gRegor Morrill, for Isha

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Transparency

Thu, 6 Nov 2008 12:07:57 -0500

There have been several times that I have thought about writing this post, but I never did. I always hemmed and hawed over how to write it, and whether I should really post it for the world to see. I have decided that while this is a sensitive, personal issue, it is important for me to share, to be transparent.

I have battled with an addiction to pornography for about 17 years now. People will have different responses to this based on their worldview. Suffice it to say, my spiritual worldview tells me it is wrong, or “sin”. I understand if you think, “that's not a big deal, don't worry about it”, but to me it is a big deal. I do not desire to get into a discussion about differences of worldview.

I have been disgusted with myself so many times, and tried countless times to defeat it. I have had many periods of triumph, sometimes for many months at a time, but invariably I fail again. I try not to get too down on myself about it, but sometimes it is really discouraging. It is not healthy for myself or my relationships, and it objectifies women. I have so many images burned into my mind that I will probably never get rid of and I hate it. The utter lack of self-control it exhibits... ugh. If you ever wonder why I am gracious towards people (I hope I am considered gracious), it is probably because I feel so messed up myself – how could I not show grace for other people's mistakes?

I believe there is grace, mercy, and – somehow – a way out of this. I need to remind myself of these things constantly.

So there you have it. I'm being entirely transparent, for better or worse. This post isn't open for public comments, but feel free to use the contact page if you would like to send me a message. I am not really asking for anything, though. This is just a weight I needed to get off my chest – in effort to be real with people, to not be ruled by secrecy. If you are the praying type, prayers are appreciated. Positive, encouraging thoughts directed my way are welcome as well.

Lighting up the office

Mon, 3 Nov 2008 18:31:27 -0500

I stole this idea from Jeremiah; he has a pretty sweet light setup in his dorm room.

I have a few other spaces I can add lights to, so I plan to. They'll work for Christmas of course, but can be year-round, too.

When We're 80...

Tue, 7 Oct 2008 13:48:15 -0400

I look forward to having just as much fun, and being just as goofy with you, friends.

This made my week.

The Song is “Hoppípolla” from Takk... by Sigur Rós. The album is amazing, I highly recommend it.

Happiness

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:07:37 -0400

It has been a rough time lately, for myself and some people in my life, so I have been working on a list of some things that make me happy.

Connecting people
Camp fires
Road trips
Snow
Thunderstorms
Hot tea
Spending quality time
Going to concerts
Naps
Random text messages of love and support
Getting fun(ny) nicknames, like “hh gRegor”, “gRegorLove Stallion”, “Hyde”, etc.
Christmastime
Seeing old friends at Christmas Eve Brunch
Making people laugh
Writing real letters (and receiving them)
Good food with good friends
The Tridumbvirate
When people humor me about being such a “ladies man”
Surprise parties
Hugs

Swinging (playground swings and front-porch-style bench swings)
Recurring silly jokes and references among friends
Arriving at Cornerstone Festival
Alan's laugh
Staying up all hours of the night with friends until slaphappy
Seeing loved ones be truly happy
California
Driving with the windows down on a sunny day or cool night
Remembering how much people believe in me
Remembering I survived

Obviously that is not everything, but I think it is a good start.

What makes you happy?

Liberation

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:09:38 -0400

by The Echoing Green:

If I could hand you a teardrop or two
Would you taste the pain that binds me?
Every single trap that I fall into
Takes a little peace from inside me

This is a question of heart
This is the answer torn apart
This is a fierce endeavor
To face my fears forever... and let it go

I take this pain and let it go...

Freedom comes with eyes wide open
Hope unchained in pure devotion

To freedom...

In my mind there's a picture of me
A memory of the man I used to be
I used to have a faith like thunder
But now I feel it falling under

The weight of a good day, gone black
The weight of a heart under attack
This is where I stop pretending
That I'm not in need of mending... and let it go

I take this hate and let it go...

Freedom comes with eyes wide open
Hope unchained in pure devotion

To freedom...

I once heard someone say the joke's on me
Pride has turned my faith to fallacy
This is where I cast the old man down
This is where I turn my faith around

Written by: Joey B., Chrissy F., David A., Jesse D.

Little connections

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:25:24 -0400

Back on August 3rd I took an afternoon trip with Greg, Ian, and Alex down to Bloomington to visit our friend Isha. She showed us around her hometown and we stopped to visit her famous grandma, Pat Lucas. She has always gushed about how awesome her grandma is, and I think we all realized pretty quickly that it was true. Pat was very sweet and funny, and it was obvious she has a big heart. She worked with the homeless for about 30 to 40 years and did everything she could to help people.

It was fascinating to see how alike she and Isha are. In fact, it came up when Ian laughed at something – Ian has a rather boisterous laugh – that she really liked his laugh, and it made her laugh. She said that I have very caring eyes. These are both things that Isha has said about us. It is one thing to hear something like that from a friend, but from someone you have just met, well I guess that is a pretty good confirmation. I do not think there was any coaching, telling her things to say about us. :)

In 2000, Pat was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. The family thought the cancer was gone, but recently it came out that it had not gone away. Pat had kept it a secret because she did not want people worrying. I do not really know many details, but from some things she said while we were there, it seemed she was trying to get things “in order” for when she passed. Despite that, she seemed in good spirits and decent health; I would not have guessed she was sick if I did not know otherwise. On August 8th she was at her grandson's (Isha's brother) wedding. Yesterday, August 14th, she passed away.

The timing seems so interesting to me. I am really glad I was able to meet her, if only briefly, and I am glad she was able to be at the wedding. Enjoy your loved ones and the little connections you make with others' loved ones.

Isha and her grandma Pat Lucas at the wedding August 8, 2008

Doppelganger?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:30:15 -0400

My dad saw this picture in the paper last week and said to me with a really straight face, “I saw you on the cover of the paper.” I was baffled. Tonight he showed me:

There is officially too much good-lookingness in the world!

So he doesn't look exactly like me, different eyes. But he is apparently quite tall and skinny.

His name is apparently Matt Eickhoff and that is his artwork located at 10th and Rural streets here in Indianapolis. These photos are from an article on Indy.com.

Photo Scavenger Hunt

Thu, 7 Aug 2008 01:28:57 -0400

For a couple weeks our friends have been on a “team-building” kick, dividing into random teams and competing in finding geocaches. It has been quite fun. This past week I figured I would try to switch things up and set up a photo scavenger hunt. This is one of those ideas that has been in the back of my head for ages but never gets past the occasional mention, “yeah, we should do that!”

So I set out a-googling for good photo scavenger hunt ideas. There are some heavy-duty scavenger hunts out there – such as the annual University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt that takes place over 4 days and has a list of about 300 items.

Assembling the list was quite fun. I geared it towards downtown Indianapolis so most of it could be achieved within a couple miles. I also kept the list secret until we started. I believe everyone enjoyed themselves and it was quite a success, so feel free to take ideas and try it yourself.

Here's some of the list along with some photos from the night. The full list is available in Adobe PDF format.

Come up with a team name, take a picture that visualizes or expresses it. – 4 points

Team Blue Steel, a la Zoolander.

A sign with a team member's name on it (or as part of it) – 4 points

Knock off the Y, there you have it. And yes, I have spiritual AND physical beauty ...ladies.

Re-enacting a scene from a Disney movie – 6 points

Cinderella.

The Lion King.

Entire team, each with a french fry in their nose – 5 points (5 bonus points if the fast food employee poses in the picture as well. 10 bonus points if the employee poses and puts a fry in their nose.)

Boo to those on my team who refused to do this one!

In front of a waterfall – 3 points

A sign that should have ...ladies added to it – 3 points

That's right. I have the world's best ingredients ...ladies.

A statue's butt – 4 points

I was disappointed that none of the teams found a David Hasselhoff CD!