Anyway, I mention that because when I do write about a band it means I'm really enjoying them and think they are worth your time. I discovered The Naked and Famous today at Suzi's recommendation and I am loving “Young Blood”. Musically and lyrically I find it very compelling. The video is rather awesome, too. There is a youthfulness to it, and it sounds hopeful. I love the synth-y string sounds.

Check it out for yourself:

The Naked And Famous - Young Blood from The Naked And Famous on Vimeo.

They're from New Zealand and this song is a single from their upcoming full-length. It's available on iTunes in New Zealand, and on their bandcamp for the rest of the world.

No, I'm not getting anything for this post, I just genuinely enjoy them. :)

We're only young and naive still
We require certain skills
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Can't help myself but count the flaws
Claw my way out through these walls
One temporary escape
Feel it start to permeate

We lie beneath the stars at night
Our hands gripping each other tight
You keep my secrets hope to die
Promises, swear them to the sky

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

As it withers
Brittle it shakes
Can you whisper
As it crumbles and breaks
As you shiver
Count up all your mistakes
Pair of forgivers
Let go before it's too late
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

I have several possible captions:

“I know, can you bewieve it?”

“You know, lots of people go to college for ten years.”

“You can stop asking my mom about this now, Jean.”

“Purdue University should be replaced with ...ladies”

Feel free to add your own. :]

Switchfoot was really good. Hello, Hurricane is a great album so I enjoyed hearing some of those songs live. Skillet had a great live production with pyrotechnics and high energy. Timbre (harpist) is always enjoyable. The highlight of the week was on Thursday, seeing Christie DuPree, Dignan, Paper Route, Eisley, and Over the Rhine back-to-back at the Gallery stage.

I first saw (Moss) Eisley in 2002 at the Cornerstone New Band Showcase, at Cora's insistence. It's been an interesting chain of events since then. I met Mark Schwartzkopf shortly after that Cornerstone, because he was playing their EP while running sound at a local show. I booked Moss Eisley that November, had difficulties securing a venue, and then the show ultimately had to be cancelled due to some conflicts / miscommunications (I was pretty frustrated at the time, as you can read). I got involved helping the band get a better online forum, and then helped with the site in general. Years later the band was seeking a solid sound guy. Mark applied and listed me as a reference. I told them I was no pro, but I thought he did a great job. They hired him and they still work with him. In 2006 I was finally able to bring Eisley to Indianapolis. They're great people, making great music, and I wholeheartedly support them.

Thus it was pretty exciting that they were returning after 8 years to Cornerstone, where so many things “began” for them. Their set was great, a good mix of old and new songs, and the crowd loved them. The tent was 3/4 full, which is quite a good number of people at Cornerstone. The sound guy for Over the Rhine, and the band, were “blown away” apparently. That's quite a compliment coming from them, in my opinion. It was good to see the DuPrees again, meet new people, relive old memories (the whole show cancelling thing is just humorous now, looking back), and hear some great music.

I will probably have some more things to write, but I am le tired and thoughts are becoming disjointed.

Here are some pictures; not the best quality, just camera phone pictures. More on my Flickr.

Main Stage used to be here...

...but is now here.

Sundown, Monday night

Switchfoot

Skillet

Eisley!

Untitled

Say one thing
And do another
Yet held up on this pedestal
When really just a hypocrite.
Disgusting
How many times
Tried and failed,
Disappointment.
How many thousands of times
Before we just admit
We're fooling ourselves?

Last September I started to talk with a counselor at school since it was a free/affordable option. I was also going to a men's support group. I was successfully overcoming my addiction for several months. Then I failed, yet again. That pretty much took the wind out of my sails and I have just felt like I'm getting more and more depressed over time. I haven't had the will or the energy to try to overcome the addiction again because, well, I've failed thousands of times before, why will one more time be any different? It's wearying to try and fail so many times.

I don't like myself for this apparent lack of self control in this area of my life. I don't like myself for the very perverted things I have put in my mind. I don't want to be this way.

I took a hiatus from the counselor and stopped going to the men's group. I was just so worn out and I didn't think it would be very helpful to go when it would just mean breaking down emotionally each time. Over the first several months of this year, the happy times did seem to last longer each time (a week, maybe two), but the depression was always around the corner and seemed to take me lower each time. I think the happy times only lasted longer because I was just becoming more numb.

About a month ago I decided to go back to the counselor. Not really out of any hope that it would help, but it seemed like something to do. We had a few sessions, but that time is up now because my counselor's practicum is ending. I really have no desire to start from scratch with someone new. The counselor tried to point out that the things I don't like about myself are only some aspects and they don't have to define me. We even went through a list of positive traits and talked about the ones I felt described me. I know there are good traits about me, but it seems nigh impossible for these things I don't like to not define me. It's as if they just overshadow everything else so much.

I honestly feel like I have no hope. I feel pretty hollow inside.

Despite the gRegorLove nickname, let's be honest: I have basically no experience with romantic relationships. I've generally been OK in my singleness, though of course I do deal with loneliness at times. I have tried to maintain a positive attitude, or at least not react externally from the negative attitudes (complaining). I have pursued those I have been interested in, but nothing has come close to working out. With my shame, I often wonder if this is what I deserve. Of course, I know that if I don't really like myself, then I'm not in a good place for a relationship anyway. That would be unhealthy and I wouldn't want to inflict that on someone in a romantic relationship.

It all feeds back on itself, like a continuous cycle. I'm left with a strong desire for a relationship. I know I can't really have that unless I like myself. I can't really like myself unless I overcome this addiction (or at least feel it's controllable / there is hope). I have no hope. I indulge in the addiction. I feel shame and I'm left with a strong desire for a relationship...

I know that I am a good friend. I wonder sometimes if that's what I'm meant to be, nothing more. Based on experience, that would seem to be the case. I'm loyal and reliable. I'm the “emotional safety net”, just not romantic relationship material. I have doubts whether I could be in love with someone and them truly be in love with me, not just trying to be.

I feel like my heart is too weak to find love anyway, that it cannot really come back from the depths it's at. Some people are stronger and can snap back. I don't think that's me. I wrote in my journal the other day “I wish my heart would just break for good, instead of trying to mend itself over and over.”

So yeah, that's the state of me.

This post will have two sections. The first won't spoil anything and is just about my experience with the show; the second is about the finale, after the clearly marked “Spoilers” heading.

I think I started watching LOST because Jeeves was saying it was awesome, and I respect his good taste in entertainment. I downloaded season 1 and watched it quickly, then picked up during season 2 broadcast and have been watching it ever since. The plot and the mystery certainly kept the show interesting, but I found the characters very accessible too. It was easy to get attached to the characters and even relate to parts of most of them. If I had to choose one word to describe the show, it would be “redemption”, as this theme was woven through everything.

I enjoyed introducing the show to people and having viewing parties each week with friends. We even watched the season 3 finale in my hospital room in 2007 when I was recovering from the surgery putting in my pacemaker. :) I will really miss the show, but I'm sure the discussions about it will keep going for a while. Not to mention, we can start up the LOST book club, reading through all the different books mentioned in the show. The producers and writers included these books for their influence / correlation to themes in the show.

S P O I L E R S   B E L O W

Really, stop reading now if you don't want the series finale to be spoiled.

. . .

I didn't really like the ending at first. I don't think anyone who was with us did.

My first thought was “But Darlton said specifically that this wasn't purgatory.” followed by “Well, I guess they said the island wasn't purgatory, which technically is correct with what they've shown us, but seems kinda cheap.”

The more I think about it and read comments / theories, the more I'm coming around to it. I plan to re-watch it soon, too. Maybe it's just because I want to like it and kind of feel defensive about it, but hopefully there's a bit more to it. I think there is. :) There's some pretty sharp “WTF, I hate you LOST! Waste of time!” reactions out there, which I don't really fall into.

I think a fair number of viewers took the ending to mean that the entire series has been “purgatory” - that everyone died in the 815 crash and everything since that time has been “purgatory”. I think this is incorrect, though. I believe the island is real, those people did survive the crash, went through everything, some left, then came back – yes, time-travelled – and finally Jack died in the jungle while the Ajira plane took off successfully from Hydra island.

Then we have the so-called “flash sideways” that started at the beginning of season 6. I don't think “flash sideways” is a very good term, though Darlton used it officially. It really wasn't a “time” in a timeline, it was the so-called “purgatory”. Or as Christian Shepherd tells Jack at the end, it's a place that all of the LOSTies “created” to meet each other, remember, and ultimately “move on”. If we want to place things on a timeline, imagine the island and the events we've been watching are at the beginning, then Jack dies and the Ajira plane flies away, then there's an undetermined period of time when they live on and Hurlinus (Hurley + Linus, get it?) protects the island, and finally at some point everyone dies, because that's how things go. After everyone's dead, they meet up in this “flash sideways”, but for whatever reason it's set up in such a way that they have to remember their lives, remember each other, connect before they “move on”.

It seems like a disconnect, and I think that's part of the reason I didn't care for it at first. Maybe there is more of a connection and I'm missing it. I don't necessarily think the island was something that the LOSTies had to experience in order to reach the afterlife – though it certainly brought redemption, love, and meaning to lives that were lacking all these things.

I'm ok with some things left unexplained. There are just some supernatural things: Walt's psychic abilities, the protector of the island living super-long lives and passing that torch to others, shirtless Sawyer, etc. I don't think when Jacob brought them there his idea was that they would have to go through all the hell to get to the point one of them could become protector of the island, it just happened that way. I think I was hoping for more of a connection between everything that happened on the island and the end. Instead the end is like fast-forward to when everyone is dead, then they meet up one last time to hug. In itself, I'm ok with that idea, and Christian Shepherd says some good things at the end, but it feels like it could be applicable to any story where a group of people become close. I'm not sure I'm portraying my thoughts on the “disconnect” part well, so I'll stop trying for now. The re-watch might help.

Some random thoughts / questions:

• In “Happily Ever After”, Desmond goes into the “flash sideways” from the main timeline when he's put in the giant microwave (“Hot Pockets”, brotha?). Obviously he's special in various ways, but it's interesting that he's the only one in the main timeline who saw the “flash sideways”. There's probably more to this that I'm just not getting.
• What really happened when Juliet hit the bomb? It just didn't go off and instead they time-travelled one last time to the proper time (2007)?
• An interesting user blog on LOSTpedia about the flash sideways, Buddhism, Narnia
• The church they were in is the same one that the Lamp Post station is under.
• LOSTpedia fan theory pages are fun to read
• I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting to type up, but I am le tired.

Update: I like how this post explains it, and it does seem to connect more this way:

But it wasn't only about helping Jack. The Losties all gathered in the church to cross over to the Light because Jack saved that very Light when he rescued the Island. As we were told this season, if the Light “goes out here, it goes out everywhere” and “everyone you love would simply cease to be.” If the Light had gone out, the Losties could never have reconnected with their loved ones again. But because Jack saved it, they all get to live blissfully ever after. The (brilliant) end.

MUSE is one of my favorite bands and I was able to see them in concert for the second time in March. The first time was Spring 2005 and that show floored me – probably tied for one of the best live shows I have seen. I had high expectations for this show since they've only gotten bigger (popularity-wise, not fatty-wise) and I had read a couple things about some “video towers” they would be playing on. They definitely did not disappoint.

On the stage were three towers probably 100 feet tall, with coverings that make them look like skyscrapers. As the show started, there was a video projection on all sides of the towers – people climbing stairs to the top. After a couple minutes of this, the climbers stopped and one-by-one started falling. Finally, the coverings fall off the towers and the band starts with “Uprising”. Each tower was a hydraulic platform on the bottom (that the band played on) and the top of the towers were suspended above them. Video played on all sides of the towers. Check out the video I took of it, along with some photos:

MUSE is awesome live, I definitely recommend seeing them. (I have many more photos on Flickr)

I enjoy skiing, but had not been in about 8 years. Dad and I were discussing it late last year and decided to go. Initially I was going to suggest a place in Indiana/Ohio, but he suggested we go for the “real deal”, so we decided to go to a real mountain and go skiing in Winter Park, Colorado. We did not intend it to work out this way, but the trip landed during Spring Break. We made a four-day weekend out of it, two days of skiing. For being out of shape, two days was just enough. I fell 4 or 5 times, most on the first day and nothing too bad. Once I actually took him down with me; he was just standing there and I didn't slow down enough/lost my balance or something. That gave some entertainment to the people on the ski lift overhead. That was the first day; I was semi-pro by the second day. :) We stuck to the green hills (beginner) and had a blast; some of the runs took 30-40 minutes to the bottom. We were as high as 11,700 feet. I intend to ski more regularly, even if just around Indiana.

I didn't get any pictures on the slopes (I wasn't going to bring my phone and destroy it in a fall), but did get some on the drive into the mountains.

For example, if a co-op consisted of 20 people and the group's medical costs for the month was $1,500, then each person would pay $75. In some situations, this could save individuals a lot of money. If Person A has a $300 bill contributing to that monthly cost, they only have to pay $75 – saving $225! The converse may be true at times, too. If Person B has no bills contributing to that monthly cost, they still have to pay $75. Overall – and over time, with more co-op members – I believe it would help people save money on healthcare costs.

When the group is small, the members could even agree to certain deductible percentages – amounts of the healthcare costs a member would need to meet on their own before the rest would be covered by the co-op. This would prevent the cost from jumping very high when large bills come in. Obviously a small co-op of 20 could not easily handle a month with a $200,000 cost ($10,000 per member). On the other hand, I believe most healthcare providers will work with patients to set up payment plans, so even a small co-op might be able to handle such large bills, broken up over many a couple years.

What I like about this idea is that it could be experimented with. I think it would be relatively easy for me to get 20 people to try this with, as long as we started with the clear notice that it's not guaranteed each month that your healthcare costs will be lowered. Since it would start out month-to-month, they would need to understand the money they pay to the co-op could not be refunded. People could try it for as long as they wanted, and leave whenever they wanted. It would not have to be a replacement for conventional insurance – people could join the co-op whether insured or not. A charity sub-fund could be set up that members could optionally pay into, to help cover the co-op fees for members in financial hardship.

This is not really a new idea, of course. There have been many health co-ops before, though in my limited research it appears many were part of government programs or relied in part on government funding. What I am imagining would just be a loose organization of people coming together with a pretty simple contract; it wouldn't require a big legal-ish process to set up or run. There would be overhead if the co-op grew, but I think it could be kept pretty low.

What do you think?

Further Reading

• Health insurance debate turns to issue of co-ops
• Cooperative on Wikipedia

Our friends Rachelskirts and Skittle_Brains started a podcast a few months ago called Bacon Famous and they put out two episodes which were pretty funny. Jeremiah and I have discussed making a podcast off an on for about a year, but in January we got more serious about it after talking about Bacon Famous and their apparent lack of episodes. We had the idea that we could make our first episode a friendly challenge/call out/one-up to their podcast; we would make it video instead of just audio; we wouldn't call them out by name, “but let's just say it rhymes with Facon Bamous.”

“Begun, the podcast wars has.” I said.

Jeremiah and I are usually up late and have some pretty funny discussions on IM, so it seemed perfect to capture for a podcast. Since we're fans of late night television (particularly CoCo) we settled on the name Late Night Toast and came up with this cool logo idea to have our faces on toast. Thanks to Jeremiah's artistic skills, we have the awesome logo below. We think the whole endeavor is worth it for the logo alone. :)

Thus, episode 1 “Facon Bamous” is published. It's a long episode, coming in at 56 minutes, but future episodes will be shorter and we will have an audio version as well. We would love if you'd check it out and give us your feedback. You can subscribe in iTunes, leave us comments on the blog, and send us email at latenighttoast@gmail.com.