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Students enrolled for classes off-campus or weekends

Dear Student: ...

These are the first two lines of a letter we've recently mass-mailed to students who - you guessed it - have registered for classes off-campus or on weekends. (In one of the five various departments I now work for on campus... insane).

They seem like pretty straight-forward lines. But I suppose most of our students aren't straight-forward people.

We've gotten so many calls like this:

student: “Hi, I got this letter that says I registered for an off-campus class, but I didn't.”

us: “Are you taking any classes on the weekends?”

student: “Yes.”

us: “That letter is intended for both off-campus and weekend classes.”

“Morons, your bus is leaving.”

- Phil, Groundhog Day