The First Year

It has been an interesting month or so, with the anniversary of my heart incident on my mind. It feels weird – difficult to put into words. Not a “bad” feeling, mostly introspection and reminiscing, gratitude and celebration. When it comes down to it, I can be a sentimental sap, and this is certainly an instance.

It was the evening of May 12, 2007 that it happened. May 16 I started to come out of my coma. May 23 I had the pacemaker/defibrillator put in, and May 24 I was released from the hospital. Just a year later, most of that recovery time seems a blur and I wish I remembered more specifics. Thanks to the forum Doug set up, I am able to refresh my memory on several things. Reading it often makes me tear up. I do not want to forget that time when I really realized what was going on, how blessed I felt to be alive, and the feeling of the outpouring of love from everyone.

I was watching Lars and the Real Girl last week (which is a really good movie that I recommend). There's a scene that when a crisis hits, a few older ladies come to the house, bring food, sit and knit. Lars feels a bit awkward, unsure of what he should be doing...

Lars: Um, is there something I should be doing right now?

Lady 1: No, dear. You eat.

Lady 2: We came over to sit.

Lady 3: That's what people do when tragedy strikes.

Lady 2: They come over, and sit.

Those few simple lines of dialogue brought tears to my eyes because it struck me that is exactly what my friends had done for me. I just re-read a forum post where Ron said, “our friend is in trouble, and if we can't sit with him, then we can sit near him.” They did just that, waiting in the lobby together, and holding prayer vigils. It's all just very humbling.

I remember Ron's birthday party that he organized last summer, which turned out to really be a party in my honor; Sheryl's “Wake Up” mix CDs that I listened to in the hospital; the angel that Sarah sent me (it still sits right by my monitor on my desk); Allison visiting, laughing a lot, and freaking out my mom; the LOST season finale party in my hospital room; Tara, the nurse that I never met but that my friends will always tell me is “super cute” and that I should go for her since I squeezed her hand when I was unconscious.

I would enjoy hearing some of the things you remember.

❦

View responses or leave your own response

published May 23, 2008

Responses

Ben – May 23, 2008
I don't remember to much about it. I'd heard Kathy talking about it. I remember telling her that you'd be okay, just by virtue of the large number of people you seem to have around you who really care about you. I remember Kathy being really upset, and trying to comfort her. I remember Kathy telling me she prayed for you, and her wanting me to be ok with that. I told her I was, and meant it. Can't go wrong with a positive focus of will.

Allison – May 23, 2008
Your mom hates me! :)

“Hmmm, which is more important? Gregor or the Girls Expo?” “You SHOULD'VE come and gotten me and taken ME to the Girls Expo.” ::appalled look on your mother's face::

And you can't forget my awkward references to death. “My friend and I watched Drop Dead Gorgeous the other day. She laughed so hard she collapsed on the floor and started shaking!!!” hahaha

I remember that I gave you a gift card, and with that you bought Demetri Martin, which was appropriate because HE'S AWESOME and I told you about him. I forget what else you bought, though.

On a more serious note, I remember breaking down crying at the mall on May 14. I also remember getting out a few choice CDs of bands that either you enlightened me to or that reminded me of you, and listening to them over and over and wishing I could be there to sit with your friends.

I remember lots of things that I've told you about time and again, so you don't need me to repeat them.

But I remember May 13 and 14 being the worst days of my life, and May 16 being the best, because I found out that one of my best friends was still going to be alive and himself.

And where would I be if you weren't? A pretty bad place.

So yay! And this is too long as it is, so I'm done.

Isha – May 23, 2008
I'm partly only leaving a comment because you say I never comment your blogs. I'm also leaving a comment because I love you.

I hardly knew you then. I probably would have been a totally mess if it happened now. I felt pretty helpless nonetheless being stuck in Bloomington, checking the forum every 5 minutes.

And then seeing you for the first time (@ Cstone) and crying. :-)

I tell you this all the time, but I'm glad you are still here. I'm glad my I have a friend who is a miracle. I love glove. <3

PS: Let me know how my application is coming along. I'm waiting...*taps foot*.

sarah – May 23, 2008
everyone at my work got to know you. my avatar became “super-gregor”.

you proved you are beyond “super” ...however, must of us already knew it.

-s

Lauren – May 23, 2008
I remember Sheryl making the announcement at the Dwelling Place that you were in the hospital and we all stopped as a church and prayed for you. I remember waiting to hear from Sheryl if you were going to be okay and being so relieved when you were. I remember the Lost party. :-) We've really only talked this year and I'm so glad that you are still around. “You make me smile, please stay for awhile.” :-) And thank you for coming.......

Shawn – May 26, 2008
....... to the Gregor House.
I remember that your hospital room was swankier than a lot of hotel rooms. It even had a door facing the inside. There was art on the walls. There was a grand piano in the lobby that was played by an invisible person. (Was that you?) You really wanted to get on the internet ASAP. There was WebTV in your room, but you couldn't do all that you wanted with it. I remember some of us hanging out with you right after your arc reactor, er, I mean your defibrillator was put in. You were just a few hours post-op, sitting up in bed, orange surgical stain still smeared on your chest, laughing and playing with us. Unreal.
Glad that you're still with us.

ps: Gregor + Tara = Love.

Josh O – May 27, 2008
I remember learning about this way after the fact, which disturbed me somewhat since we used to be so close. But, what I DO remember is all the fun things we did do together - Russia '96, the Internship in '97, Cornerstone '98 and a few visits to each others home towns somewhere in between there.

It's seems somewhat crazy to me that you were released from the hospital on May 24, my birthday!

Blessings to you, what a great anniversary to celebrate life again!

Vanessa – May 29, 2008
I liked reading this and your friends' posts. It sure is great to be loved, isn't it?

shauna – May 29, 2008
dude. i am so glad you cleared that up. i seriously thought someone was being a complete freak... because the times were so weird and each state was visiting my site alternately! ALIENS !!!!!!!
fr realz, thxxx brosef.

ibekimbo (themom) – June 24, 2008
It's hard to believe that it's been over a year since you had your heart problems. I just wanted you to know that even though we don't seem to run in the same internet/social circles, that I think of you from time to time, and then I find myself wanting to see how things are going on in your world. It's nice to see that you are well and happy and that life is good. Peace be with you my Decapokid.....I sometimes miss the good old days. :)