I have been feeling pretty worn and heavy-hearted lately. There's just a lot of stuff going on, and I tend to empathize.
Sheryl's dad passed away in March. Now her brother is having some health issues and is in the hospital. Matt's mom has cancer again, and it's apparently stage 3 or 4. She's having surgery sometime this summer. A marriage is dealing with the repercussions of an affair, as well as the friends around them. There's other things I can't really go into, but those are some key examples. On top of that are my own battles with self, which is another post entirely.
Lately, it just seems like everytime someone turns around, something bad is happening. Most of the time they are things I cannot really do anything about – it feels helpless. I feel like I'm sometimes looked to – even if I cannot “do” anything – to be strong, at least. Not sure how well I'm doing at that. I just feel discouraged. I am weak. I am worn.
I have been reading through the Harry Potter series and it feels like there's a dementor around:
“Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soulless and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”
– Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
It's not to that extreme, thankfully, but I thought the analogy to current happenings was uncanny. I know that I am loved, and in that I have hope, even if it is often hard to see or grasp that hope. I am still trying.