I keep mentally circling around the themes I wrote about earlier this year in “Grown Up Thoughts”. I don't know if the word to describe how I’m feeling is “dissatisfaction,” or maybe “adrift.” I know I should probably talk to a therapist about it, but for now this is a form of therapy.
It’s been a rough few months this summer. I broke up with Amanda in June. It was a really tough decision, especially with the weight of having moved out here for the relationship. It was complicated, as relationships tend to be. We are still friendly and I anticipate it will remain that way. I don't regret moving here to try.
Now I find myself in a town that I generally like, but where I am not well-connected. It’s been lonely. I have a couple friends through church and I have been going to some meetups to meet new people. People are friendly here, but it takes time to build good connections. My lease is through May and I’m not sure what I’m doing at that point. When I think about moving, it feels a bit like a Catch 22. It is hard to get better connected if I’m planning on moving; moving most likely means starting from scratch again to make new friends. I am reminding myself that I do not have to decide right now. I’m just taking it a day at a time.
I will be 38 in a few months and the recurring internal questions are about what direction I want to head. I enjoy and am proud of my work, but a lot of things in the world bother me. The refugee crises are important to me, as well as the Black Lives Matter movement. I’ve really only done some online advocacy, which can be important, but I also want to do practical things. I’m currently looking into ways that I can get involved with helping refugees settle in America.
So that’s where I am at currently: What’s next?