Friends Wanted

Making friends as an adult is hard. I’ve talked about this with quite a few people and there is always strong agreement. I was a bit surprised by that. It seems like if it’s a common sentiment, more people would be finding each other. I know that’s quite a simplification, of course. Human social interactions are complex, life is busy, some people are butts, and some people already have a social circle they are content with.

It also takes some vulnerability to put yourself out there. I’ve gone to a handful of San Diego meetups and made several acquaintances, but it takes something a little extra to move beyond that to a friendship. I’ve been fairly outgoing in the past, but less so lately.

I recently came across Joe Crawford via Twitter. I saw he was an indieweb enthusiast who also lives in San Diego, so I suggested we should meet up sometime. We met up for dinner and hit it off talking about a variety of web things and even some more personal things that I would not expect to be discussing with someone I just met, like mental health. It was refreshing.

Speaking of meetups, I went to another movie meetup today with Active Lifestyle Nerds. We saw Maleficent: Mistress of Evil then got Mexican for dinner. The movie and hangout time was good. I’m starting to get to know some of them, so maybe there’s some future friends there too.

What has been your experience making new friends as an adult?

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View responses or leave your own response

published November 2, 2019 • also on twitter.com

#nablopomo

Responses

gee-FM – November 3, 2019
I've had a hard time making local friends as an adult. I used to think it was due to my crippling social anxiety, or because I have weird and eccentric tastes, or because I wasn't a big enough a-hole.

I have work friends. But I'm not really interested in socializing with them outside of work? Or being too close with them because they belong in my professional life?

I honestly don't know.

*inserts shrugging emoji*

San – November 4, 2019
I found it's fairly easy to make new friends on the Internet, alas, they often don't live anywhere close to you.

Making local friends is really hard. I think it's mostly that it takes effort to put yourself out there and with limited time that we all have these days, it seems like a risk while you don't know if your efforts will be rewarded. It's easy to make acquaintances, it's hard to move to a real friendship.

Chris Aldrich – November 7, 2019
Replied to Friends Wanted by gRegor MorrillgRegor Morrill (gregorlove.com) Making friends as an adult is hard. I’ve talked about this with quite a few people and there is always strong agreement. I was a bit surprised by that. It seems like if it’s a common sentiment, more people would be finding each other. I know that’s quite a simplification, of course. Human soci... gRegor, I don’t think that it’s necessarily that it’s harder to make friends as an adult, so much as the world you live in during your youth makes things comparatively much easier.
When you’re young, you’re generally in school(s) where you’re around people exactly your age, generally close to your socio-economic status, and with many of the same feelings, thoughts, and aspirations. You’re literally surrounded by hundreds (or sometimes thousands) who are so very similar to you. Once you’re out of college, it’s far harder to find this type of environment and this is what makes it seem so much harder to find good friends. In adulthood almost everyone you’re surrounded by are dramatically different from you and that makes it harder to find things you have in common. In the end it’s really the statistical mechanics that are working against you.
To work against this one needs to be more flexible and broad in what one is looking for in companionship, but generally the older one gets the less flexible one becomes.

Doug Webster – November 27, 2019
I too have wondered if so many people are lonely they don't connect more. But then if I look at the stats about the average amount of time people spend on their phones and watching TV, it makes more sense.