Took me a moment to catch it since I wasn’t looking at the names/photos right away, but then I cracked up. Awesome.

Had a bad dream that I woke up and it was snowing in Chicago.

Aw, crap.

Great tip! I added some simple sanitizing: if “http” appears in the string and isn’t at position zero, remove everything before its position. This way it strips the “check out so-and-so’s tweet” text and just leaves the URL.

Mom’s pacemaker surgery went well yesterday. We just got back from the hospital today and she’s resting/building up her cyborg power. Thanks for the thoughts/prayers, everyone.

Everything is looking good with Mom. Getting discharged from the hospital currently.

@kateemick [jerks]

Whoa, you're right.

“That was the most fun surgery ever.” Something Mom actually said, not ironically.

Mom's surgery is done and went well!

Mom’s going into surgery now. Estimated to take 2–3 hours.

@indiana_mama They were telegrams actually.

@indiana_mama You're sooo old, mom of two. :P

@indiana_mama Did you get my texts yesterday?

At the VA hospital overhearing how awful people are today and how perfect things used to be.

Mom’s pacemaker surgery will be about 12:30PM Eastern. Thoughts/prayers appreciated.

@nicopolitan ♫ The humans are dead, the humans are dead. We used poisonous gasses, and we poisoned their asses

@MsSwank Mommer said thank you. :]

And “Not for Human Use” makes it pretty clear that I am a cyborg.

It’s not the actual device that was in me, but the same model. And it comes with a drawstring pouch to keep it in.

Got my old pacemaker sent back the day before Mom gets hers put in. https://flic.kr/p/qKJCHu

@nicopolitan I rarely remember mine, and only vaguely remember last night’s.